80 - Noticing

Things I've noticed:

• You can have more than one home, because home isn't a specific place. It's an atmosphere in which  you feel loved. 
• It's ok to like things that you're not "supposed" to like. Don't buy into all that stereotypical crap. Like what you like, because you like it for a reason. 
• School is hard sometimes, but it's worth it. College isn't the place to slack off. There are much less expensive places to be lazy. 
• Kindles are really cool, and I was wrong to misjudge them. I can still love reading (and owning and buying) books and also like reading on my kindle. 
• Going to the gym is empowering. I've made it part of my (mostly) daily routine, and I love it. It makes me feel productive and healthy. 
• Setting goals actually works when you take them seriously. 
• Earplugs are a great investment when you're living in a college dorm. 
• Trusting is easier the more you do it. Pretending to trust someone is not the same thing as actually trusting them. It can be really hard, and it's not something that you can just jump into right away. Ease into it, and the bigger things will come naturally. 
• You're never too young or too old to spend hour after hour laughing with people with whom you love to laugh. 
• If you think you understand Utah weather just because you've lived here all of your life, you're wrong.  
• A good book is still the best setting in which to get lost. 
• Also, this:

Harry Potter jokes will always be funny. To me, at least.

-ka

79 - Reading Riot no. 7 & 8

So... I've been pretty busy the last couple weeks. As you can probably tell due to my lack of posts... haha. I started out last week reading a WWII memoir, Unbroken, but I've unfortunately had to put that on hold due to lack of time! But that one will be the subject of a post in the near future. So, for last week I did a reread, and for this week I did a must-read.

I know you'll probably judge me, but last week's book was...

Breaking Dawn, by Stephanie Meyer. I am like all the rest of the country in that I have read all of the Twilight Saga. However, I'm going to be hipster for a minute and say that I read Twilight when I was 13, and it wasn't because anyone suggested it to me. I just randomly picked it up at the library, and then I suggested it to everyone else, and let everyone borrow my copy. That being said, I was 13. Cut me a little slack. After reading Providence, and recognizing many similarities, I decided to reread Twilight and realized that everything I accused Providence of (lack of character and relationship development) was true of Twilight as well. I just hadn't read it in such a long time, so I remembered it with my younger mind. I tried to reread the whole series, but I couldn't get past New Moon and decided just to skip to the one I've only read twice. (I like to reread books a lot...)

Breaking Dawn was the best one, I think, but the series still doesn't have much substance... and if you look deeper into its meaning, the messages are really quite terrible. Bella is only truly happy with herself after she's changed with Edward. She claims sex is the epitome of human life. (Edward does make her wait until marriage, but still.) Her codependent relationship with Edward advocates unhealthy relationships, almost making them desirable. From an analytical point of view, you could say that Meyer is trying, in a backward way, to say those things aren't healthy in the real world by placing her characters in a fantasy world... but I'd say that's stretching it a bit. ANYWAY. If you want to read a really funny and really true critique of Breaking Dawn, click here. (Sara showed me this a few years back.)

Now onto my second read. For years, people have been telling me to read this book, and this week I finally gave in and read it.

The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins.

Ok, this book is a bit morbid. Well, more than a bit morbid. The whole premise is about an event in a dystopian world where children are in a game of Survivor. The winner is the last one alive. It gets pretty gory for a young adult read, but I actually really liked it. I kind of read it in one night... haha. It's very fast-paced, and the characters are very likable.

I was talking to my roommate, who read it just prior to me, and she was worried initially that it would be akin to Twilight in that it received a lot of hype for not a lot of substance. However, we both agreed that this book definitely deserves attention. The movie is coming out soon (a main reason for me reading it now) and my only hope is that the movie is a good reflection of the book.

I'm a sucker for love stories, but I loved this book because the main character, Katniss, is such a strong and confident person. Honestly, as long as I'm comparing the two, Katniss is everything Bella isn't. Bella is whiny with confidence issues while Katniss is strong, brave, and sure of herself. Katniss does her best to keep her humanity and her life in this cruel game that her government is forcing her to play.

I think this is a good segue read into more provocative books, such as Fahrenheit 451 or 1984 (both are books I love...) I would definitely recommend this book, for those of you who haven't read it yet. (I seem to be the only one I know who hadn't..) However, if you're not a fan of violence, I wouldn't let kids under 13 read it. My only complaint is the it ends very suddenly... good thing all of the books are already published and my roommate owns them! That's the nice thing about being the last person in the country to pick up a best-selling series...

78 - Be Mine

Valentine's Day was wonderful this year :)

It was on a Tuesday, so I got to start the day with my favorite class, Literary Analysis. We've been talking about poetry, and most of the class that day was spent discussing why most love poems are not actually love poems at all. Haha. Then, I went to the gym for a quick bike ride (mostly so I could get my hair a little bit dirty) and then I curled my hair. At around 6, I went over to Cole's apartment and we hung out for a couple hours before heading over to the Olive Garden for dinner. He'd made a reservation for 8:15 (smart), and we happily walked to our table, passing dozens of couples waiting in line for hours. Dinner was great and not only did our server give us double Andes mints, but it also started snowing when we walked out to the car! (It hasn't snowed in a very long time.) It was perfect. We ended the night cuddling on the couch, watching Crazy, Stupid, Love, and the snow was falling even more when he walked me back to my apartment.

Cole doesn't have a job and has to sell his plasma as a source of income, so money is scarce. The day before Valentine's Day, he'd asked me if I wanted flowers or to go out to dinner. I said dinner, obviously. Haha. But he surprised me with both. :) I had a fun time taking pictures of them...

He always picks out the coolest flowers. I think black-eyed daisies are so pretty and they were a fun contrast against the new snow! My roommate took a cool picture of me with one of the daisies...

I couldn't decide which one of them I liked the best... so I just put them all! Haha. Unfortunately, I didn't take my camera with me on our date, so I don't have any pictures. :( But, Cole's Valentine's present just came in the mail!

It's supposed to go on a keychain. We play this game sometimes, as a way to measure love (if that's even possible...) He wrote me an entire letter once, full of things that he loved. And he always said he loved me more :) I love books, as everybody knows, so I thought this would be a thoughtful reminder of how much I love him. Simple, and surprisingly inexpensive. That's my kind of gift.

Happy V-day, everyone. I hope it was simply wonderful.
Mine was.
:)

77 - Reading Riot no. 6

Last week's book was a memoir, of sorts. I read The End of Normal, by Stephanie Madoff Mack.
(By the way... did you know that MLA changed their rules for citing novels? No more underlining... just italics. Weird, right? Anyway...)

As you may guess by one of the names of the author, this book is about how Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme of the century ruined the lives of his family. If you don't already know, Bernie Madoff was a Wall Street tycoon who stole billions of dollars from thousands of investors. Basically, he crashed the stock market in 2008. He's now in prison, sentenced to 125 years. His son, Mark Madoff, committed suicide due to the immense pressure and unhappiness caused by his father's actions, and this book is told from the perspective of Mark's wife.


I personally didn't know much about Bernie Madoff, except that he stole a lot of money. The media portrayed him is the Villain of the century, posting crazy pictures of him everywhere.

Obviously, this is photoshopped. Haha. 

I found this book to be very telling, and very heart-breaking. Mack describes Bernie and Ruth Madoff as being loving grandparents and a happy couple. It was so interesting to learn about the man behind the monster, so to speak. Needless to say, it was shocking for their entire family to learn of Bernie's dark side.

However, that isn't the focus of the story. Mark Madoff and his suicide is the culminating event in all of this. Mack tells such a poignant tale of love and loss, especially when conveying how her children felt after the death of their father. I think it was very brave of her to write this book. I can't even imagine how hard writing it must have been, let alone experiencing it. My heart goes out to her and her family; they are still in the midst of the healing process. Honestly, it's something that they will probably never get over completely.

I can't imagine losing my best friend to suicide. Mark was her best friend, her husband. And he honestly thought that killing himself was the best thing for everyone. I also can't imagine what kind of person does what Bernie Madoff did. Mack describes Bernie as being an excellent compartmentalizer, and he must have been in order to hide his criminal life for so long.

If you're looking for some sobering literature, this book will definitely fulfill that need.

Mack put pictures of her previous life in the book, and that was when it truly sunk in to me that these people are real. Mark Madoff was a real person, and he took his own life just last year. It's easy to get swept away in the story and think that they're just characters. I highly recommend this book.

Mark and Stephanie with their daughter, Audrey 

Bernie Madoff, Ruth Madoff, Mark Madoff

Stephanie and Mark on the night they got engaged

Stephanie and Mark with daughter, Audrey, and son, Nicholas

76 - Wizardry

Ok - so, weird but awesome dream.

Voldemort came back. Not only for the first time, or the second time, but the third time. The first time, Harry defeated him. The second time, MY FAMILY defeated him (which was what the 8th book was about), and in this dream he came back for a third time! Everyone in my family was preparing for an epic battle of magic. I couldn't find my wand and Mom almost made me leave so I wouldn't get hurt, but then Tyler proclaimed "Accio Kolbie's wand!" and it flew into my hand! Then I did all sorts of magic stuff, and Voldemort arrived in all of his evil glory. The battle was tough -- no one knew who was going to win. But then Cole and I teamed up and did a super spell on old Voldy and he exploded. (None of that flaking away stuff he did in the movie... bleh.)

Seriously? I woke up so empowered. And also disappointed. :(

I wish I was a wizard so much.

75 - Little Surprise(s)

Today did not start out promising.

I got seven hours of sleep, but my roommate (who pulled an all-nighter) said that I was tossing and turning the whole night. Maybe this is normal for most people, but I'm usually deathly still when I sleep. I often interlace my fingers on top of my chest, and the result is that I look like I'm in a coffin. My bed at home sometimes serves as a second dresser because I only need about a quarter of the room to sleep... Anyway. I was tossing and turning all night, for whatever reason, and I woke up extremely tired.

I was falling asleep by my first class.

Regardless, I trudged forward in the day. I gave my first speech in Public Speaking on Friday, and we got our evaluations back today. I got an 18/20, which is a very good score! I was quite pleased. Then, my teacher decided she was feeling generous and let us out a half hour early!

My mood was quickly changing as I walked to my third class, Literary History of the Early Americas. In that class, all we did was discuss a presentation that was due in a week, and an easy but interesting one at that. We also got back quizzes we took a couple weeks ago, and I thought I had bombed it. But I got 11/12! It was the highest grade of anyone around me, and I thought I had completely failed.

Lunch was normal, and my high was sort of wearing off as I walked into my genetics class. This is the class I normally fall asleep in, and I did again today. But as I started to fall asleep, I twitched so violently that I jumped in my chair. Not only was I not embarrassed (I thought it was really funny, actually, which is weird because I kinda get embarrassed easily around strangers), but I also stayed awake the rest of the class.

To top it all off, I wore a really cute outfit today, and I swear that every girl who walked past me was internally complimenting me if they didn't out loud. AND I did the braid thing for my (kind of) bangs, and I only had to do it once. AND it started snowing as I was walking back to my apartment.

So, today did not start out promising. I did not expect it to go well. It looks like Someone up there decided to prove me wrong :)

This is my favorite song from Ingrid Michaelson's new album, Human Again. Give it a listen.

74 - Crafty

As some of you may know, I moved to a different apartment a few weeks ago. It's in the same building, but it's also on the renovated side so the rooms are nicer! It's very nice. In my other apartment, every room had a door to the outside and a door to a small hallway that connected all the rooms. It was nice to have access to outside, but other than Molly I never saw my roommates. (Which probably turned out to be a good thing last semester... haha.) My new apartment is like a normal apartment! It has one door that opens to a living room, and the bedrooms and bathroom are down the hall. I love it. I especially love that I'm with friends :) (Molly and Rachael also live here.) I don't have Molly as a roommate anymore, but my new roommate, Kaisa, is great. Much better living situation!

I found that I had no place to put my earrings. In my old apartment, there was a velcro (the soft kind) covered shelf that I could put things on and not worry about them getting lost. But here, I only have a desk... so I thought of a creative way to keep my earrings safe. 

I actually thought it was very clever of me, haha. I figured that earrings are basically fancy push-pins with more dull edges, and since I had a cork board right there... it seemed perfect! Plus, I had another fun idea. I lost an earring to a pair of studs a while back, and I've just held onto the other matchless one. Since I was using the cork board as an earring holder, I didn't see why a matchless earring couldn't be used as a make-shift push pin! (My matchless earring is the one holding Kim and Brian's picture. I didn't take a picture of it though.) College is making me so crafty :) 

73 - Reading Riot no. 5

This week, I read Beautiful Disaster, by Jamie McGuire. Same author as the Providence series.

This book is definitely more mature than the Providence series, but the quality of the writing is better. I finished this book the same day that I started it. It could still be classified as teen fiction... I'd probably put it in that in-between stage. Not quite adult fiction and not quite teen fiction.

It's about Abby Abernathy, a college freshman from Wichita, Kansas, who wants to put her life as far away as possible from her past. However, she meets and befriends Travis Maddox early on in the year and soon realizes that he is exactly what she's trying to run away from. Her feelings conflict between wanting to run away from her past and giving into her deep feelings for Travis. 

I don't really know how to explain why I loved this book so much... I guess I liked that Abby and Travis' relationship wasn't perfect. Both of them needed work but they still needed each other. Maybe their relationship was unrealistic and unhealthy at first, but the love was perfect love. 

The moral I got out of this story was that you don't always get to choose who you fall in love with. Sometimes it can be the person you least expect. But that doesn't mean it isn't beautiful. 

There are a couple quotations from the book that I found particularly poignant. 

[Abby talking to her roommate.]
"It's dangerous to need someone that much. You're trying to save him and he's hoping you can. You two are a disaster."
I smiled at the ceiling. "It doesn't matter what or why it is. When it's good, Kara... it's beautiful." 

"You know why I want you? I didn't know I was lost until you found me. I didn't know what alone was until the first night I spent without you in my bed. You're the one thing I've got right. You're what I've been waiting for." 

I love the concept of a beautiful disaster. It's what life is, right? Life is never perfect. You never remember everything you need to, you never say all the right words, you never  ace all of your tests, you never make everyone happy always. Everyone has baggage and everyone has problems. But love? It doesn't matter if it's crazy, mellow, frustrating, nonsensical, or disastrous. If it's truly love for both people, not just infatuation or lust, it's always beautiful.

72 - I'm Grateful

I'm grateful for hardships, because they teach me to enjoy the simple things.

I'm grateful for pain, because I know that there is an equal and opposite to every emotion.

I'm grateful for bad grades, because they motivate me to be better.

I'm grateful for change, because without it I would never open my heart to new things.

I'm grateful for bad friends, because they help me be closer to my true ones.

I'm grateful for the cold, because it makes me miss the sun.

I'm grateful for temptation, because it draws me closer to the Son.

I'm grateful for confusing concepts, because they expand my mind.

I'm grateful for failure, because it never fails to teach me something.

I'm grateful for loneliness, because it helps me find myself.

I'm grateful for tears, because pain would hurt so much more without them.

I'm grateful for fights, because sometimes they're the only time when the truth comes out.

I'm grateful for bruises and breaks, anger and aches.

Without all of those things, I wouldn't know about happiness.

Warmth.

Joy.

Unity.

Success.

Peace.

Comfort.

Love.

I'm grateful.

- ka

71 - Reading Riot no. 4

I know it's already Wednesday, but my book for last week was the sequel to Providence.

Providence book no.2 -- Requiem

As I'd hoped, this book was more well-written than the first one in the series. The premise of this sequel centers around the book that Nina and Jared gave back to Shax, a demon from Hell. (Remember -- Jared is a guardian angel.) It involves a prophecy and ancient bloodlines and all sorts of supernatural/religious plot twists. The ending of the book was a bit anticlimactic, but I almost feel like McGuire used this book as a set-up for the third one, which is due to be published in the next year.

These books are fun, quick reads if you're interested in stories like that. I don't regret reading them, but I won't be buying the actual book. (The e-book at the Kindle store was only 2.99 I think.. maybe only 1.99. I don't remember. But it was super cheap! Probably reflects the quality of the writing....)