104 - Continued.

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:)

104 - I have a lot to say.

I have a lot to say.
Honestly.

I know it seems like I don't because I never say it. But, seriously, I have a lot to say.

For instance:

1. I've never had the pleasure of using a dryer that refuses to dry. 
2. Upper rooms that face west most certainly will bake in the evening. It's quite a shame that air conditioning costs a lot of money. 
3. I can live on sandwiches for a week, but it's not very fun. 
4. I forgot how tired being busy makes me. 
5. Sometimes, I just need to sing. 

Amid all of the tragedy that is the world, there is beauty. I have a very cool view of the mountains and the city from my window, and waking up in the morning to see it is one of my very favorite things. Then, coming back to it late at night helps to remind me that time moves too quickly for every man and woman. There will never be enough time. There is only time, and we have a choice to do with it what we will. We can't be scared that it's going to run out because we know that it will. That's a fact.

I am going to die. You are going to die. Inevitable things are a bother--buy they are inevitable. My time will run out. Ending that sentence with a preposition won't change facts.

In case you were wondering why the melancholy post, one of my friends from high school passed away this week. He was waiting for a liver transplant. Please, do the world a favor, and be an organ donor. Please.

Where there is fear, faith cannot dwell. Be scared, but just for a minute. Believe that, as long as you're always trying, you'll be rewarded. I don't really think Yoda was right because sometimes you can't do something by yourself, and that's what makes you scared. But you can't be scared and have faith at the same time.

Be scared, but just for a minute. You don't know how many minutes you have left.

As for this blog, its minutes are up. After 104 posts, I feel like I need... something else.

Even this post is rather erratic. I'm kind of all over the place.

As I said, I have a lot to say, I just don't know how to say it exactly.

-ka

p.s. If you like reading what I have to say, stay tuned. There will soon be another website on which I tell you all about the things I have to say.

The End.

103 - Chin Up

Everyone needs a little pick-me-up sometimes. Everyone needs to remember all of the blessings they have.

I'm having a really great time this year, but I'm a tad more busy than last year. My school is great, my boyfriend is great, my life is great. My roommates are awesome, choir really uplifts me, I'm progressing as I should.

I have to remember that happiness can be a choice. And just because sad things happen isn't a reason to let them get me down. It's ok to be a little bit sad, but you should remember to be happy after. Lean on whoever you have to, and then get back up.

Take your time. But remember--your life is waiting for you.

-ka

102 - Last Day of Summer

I've been so focused on getting through this summer that it hasn't really dawned on me that it's over. I'm moving tomorrow, so today is basically my last day of summer. And do you know what I'm doing? Packing. And cleaning. Haha.

It's funny how things change as you grow up. I remember, when I was younger, the Last Day of Summer being an almost reverent day (hence the capitalization). I definitely didn't spend it doing boring things. Summer was the time where I didn't have any rules. I could just do what I wanted.

Now, though, I already have that. After moving out once, I'm used to that. So moving home for the summer was almost... less freedom than I was used to. I had a curfew, I had to ask permission for things, I had to always tell my mom where I was... Not that I mind, but it was definitely less freedom.

I had a lot of fun this summer. I went on some awesome trips. I also had a lot of sadness and missing this summer. But now, on this Last Day of Summer, I realize that I'm definitely ready for life again.

I miss these guys:

This one's married:

I will miss these guys, though:

But not him because he's coming with me :)

Life changes. Perspective changes. You grow older. If you take the opportunity, you can learn from life. You can apply lessons, and you can progress. I have a lot more growing to do.

You know what's funny, though? Last summer, right after I graduated high school, I felt so... old. 
Right now, on this Last Day of Summer, I feel so young and naive. I know what growing up means. It means doing hard things. It means being by yourself sometimes. It means taking responsibility.

It means de-capitalizing the Last Day of Summer.

-ka

101 - Why I Write

Sometimes, I just need to write.

I need to write in the way that all people need to sleep.

In my psychology class, I learned that sleeping is like a reboot for your mind. It, quite frankly, works miracles. Baffles neurologists. No one knows why sleeping keeps us alive, but it does. Our neurons continue to fire and our hearts continue to beat and our feelings continue to feel because we sleep. Writing does that for my insides.

When I write, I seem to feel everything. I feel pain, and anger, and sadness, and elation, and surprise, and horror, and wonder all at the same time. I feel like I have an entire world inside of me with girls and boys. People, like you and me. They’re inside me, and I’m channeling everything they feel. They want me to tell my world about emotion—as if my world doesn’t quite get it. I’m the solution—me. Those figurative and literal people inside of my bones shake me until I feel like I’m going to explode with passion and ideas.

I have to write. If I don’t write, then I’ll explode. Simple as that.

Ok, obviously it’s not as simple as that. I know that there isn’t a world inside of my body, and that I’m not going to explode because I’m passionate about what I do. But maybe the fact that I feel like that sometimes makes all the difference. Maybe that’s what makes me unique.

Honestly, though, I feel like being unique is so… in right now. Haha. Doing things to be different is the trend. Quite the paradox, right? It’s trendy to not be trendy. Whatever. I can assure you that I’m not being trendy when I say that I love being unique. I always have, even when it lost me all my friends. But I digress.

 This figurative and literal world inside of me is the reason I am who I am. It’s the reason I’ve accomplished so many things. I am someone who gets inspired by some well-placed words in a novel. I get excited about underlying meanings. I seek to find the uniqueness in every situation. When I know I’ve gotten something right, that world inside of me is quiet. Peaceful. Satisfied.

Then. I can sleep. And start all over.

-ka

100 - I'm Proud

I don't know if you noticed, but my countdown is gone. I've kind of neglected this blog the past few months, but I wanted to save my 100th post for something really special. I've been waiting to upload to the pictures for this very special post, which is why it's taken so long. But, here it is:

Cole is home, and he is officially a member of the U.S. Army. He's a candidate for Officer, and he'll be completing his requirements via the ROTC at our school. It took me a while to really get used to the idea, but I'm so proud of him. I'm so proud that he would be willing to sacrifice so much for what he believes in.

I went to South Carolina to go to his graduation and bring him home. While I was there, I was overwhelmed with emotions. My emotions about him, what he's doing, our country, family... everything. I'm so proud to be an American, and I'm so lucky that I have so many heroes in my life. I truly believe that soldiers are American heroes, and I just happen to be in love with one.

I love my soldier. And I'm proud of his choices.

-ka