I know that I have at least one sister who isn't a big fan of We Are Young, but I really do love this song. Same band, only this song isn't about getting wasted at a bar.
We are shining stars. We are invincible. We are who we are.
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground.
Carry on.
-ka
6.21.2012
6.20.2012
95 - Waiting and Missing
I heard once that when you really miss someone, all you want is for them to experience whatever you're experiencing at that moment.
For the last three weeks, I've been doing a lot of missing.
Whenever I see something funny, all I want to do is text him. Whenever I'm sad, all I want to do is run into his arms. Whenever I'm happy, all I want is for him to know what made me happy and be happy right there with me.
It's interesting, knowing someone very well. So well that you can tell what mood they're in even before they can. When you can look at their facial expression, and it's almost like you have psychic abilities because you can just tell what they're thinking. And then they do the same thing to you, and it freaks you out a little bit that you've let someone in that far - given them power. Knowing someone well and letting someone in requires an immense amount of trust.
Missing him is hard. I give myself a stern lecture every morning.
Kolbie, you are going to be happy. You are going to have fun. You aren't going to make everyone else feel awkward because you're depressed. You're not going to take your sorrow out on everyone else. Kolbie, it's not the end of the world. He's not dead, he's just gone for a while. He'll come back.
Kolbie, would you want him to mope around, being sad all day? No.
Kolbie, you are strong. You are confident. You have a strong support system, and he loves you. It hurts, but you don't have to let pain control your life.
Kolbie, it's ok to cry. Have a good, painful cry. But then, stop.
There are times when I miss him in a good way. Like, I almost don't feel sad. I just feel happy that I love him. I think about the good times we've had, and the good times we've yet to experience. A still, small voice whispers to me that it'll be a very happy time.
So here I sit, waiting. One can wait and experience life at the same time. I'm just waiting for the moment when I don't have to wait anymore. I'm waiting for the moment when you are gonna be right there with me. And that makes this moment even more special.
-ka
For the last three weeks, I've been doing a lot of missing.
Whenever I see something funny, all I want to do is text him. Whenever I'm sad, all I want to do is run into his arms. Whenever I'm happy, all I want is for him to know what made me happy and be happy right there with me.
It's interesting, knowing someone very well. So well that you can tell what mood they're in even before they can. When you can look at their facial expression, and it's almost like you have psychic abilities because you can just tell what they're thinking. And then they do the same thing to you, and it freaks you out a little bit that you've let someone in that far - given them power. Knowing someone well and letting someone in requires an immense amount of trust.
Missing him is hard. I give myself a stern lecture every morning.
Kolbie, you are going to be happy. You are going to have fun. You aren't going to make everyone else feel awkward because you're depressed. You're not going to take your sorrow out on everyone else. Kolbie, it's not the end of the world. He's not dead, he's just gone for a while. He'll come back.
Kolbie, would you want him to mope around, being sad all day? No.
Kolbie, you are strong. You are confident. You have a strong support system, and he loves you. It hurts, but you don't have to let pain control your life.
Kolbie, it's ok to cry. Have a good, painful cry. But then, stop.
There are times when I miss him in a good way. Like, I almost don't feel sad. I just feel happy that I love him. I think about the good times we've had, and the good times we've yet to experience. A still, small voice whispers to me that it'll be a very happy time.
So here I sit, waiting. One can wait and experience life at the same time. I'm just waiting for the moment when I don't have to wait anymore. I'm waiting for the moment when you are gonna be right there with me. And that makes this moment even more special.
-ka
6.17.2012
94 - On Intelligence
Intelligence has less to do with inherent abilities as it does work.
If I have learned anything in my education, it is that being smart is not necessarily a gift from heaven. Don't get me wrong, I know that some people are blessed with the ability to learn easier than other people. Some people are definitely prone to genius ideas. But do you ever wonder why it seems like those people are always busy? Why those people put all of their efforts into their chosen field?
I have.
Those people work. Hard.
I have been fortunate enough to be placed in an environment that encourages education and work. I have also been blessed with a natural ability to learn, and a love for it. But it makes me so mad when people tell me how easy it must be to be "smart".
"Oh, Kolbie, it's easier for you to go to class because you're smart."
"Oh, Kolbie, it's easier for you to write your essays on time because you're smart."
"Oh, Kolbie, it's easier for you to take that many credits because you're smart."
Let me just clear something up.
I'm not mad because I want my work to be recognized. I'm mad because those people use the word "smart" as an excuse to be lazy. I'm even more mad at our education system, because I firmly believe that there are many, MANY, more people in the world that have the potential for genius. They have the potential, but because of the standards placed before them, they will never know it. They are raised to believe that being simply average is something to strive for.
I'm not saying that being average is a bad thing, but too many kids are raised thinking that all they will ever be is average. They grow up with people telling them that they can't be smart, or athletic, or talented. Maybe they have negligent parents, or maybe they have negligent teachers. Either way, more and more children are dropping out of high school. More and more children are succumbing to depression. More and more children are thinking that they're not good enough to be successful, so they stop caring.
Everyone is good enough to be successful. Everyone deserves the chance to be above-average.
Intelligence has less to do with inherent abilities as it does work. If you want to be above-average, you need to work. The only way to overcome the Nelson-Mandela-named fear of being great is to be great, and to realize that being great is working hard. The best part is that once you've had a solid foundation in working hard, you can actually work hard doing at something you love.
And you want to know something funny? It actually makes you happy.
To all those people who think my life is easy because I'm smart, I'm here to tell you that my life is far from easy. Everyone is given obstacles in their life. Instead of choosing the easiest ways to go, though, I choose to work hard and be triumphant.
Don't mistake my being happy for my life being easy.
Intelligence has less to do with inherent ability as it does work. Yes, I've said it three times. But I just you want you to remember that the most, and perhaps you'll tell someone you know who really needs to hear it.
-ka
If I have learned anything in my education, it is that being smart is not necessarily a gift from heaven. Don't get me wrong, I know that some people are blessed with the ability to learn easier than other people. Some people are definitely prone to genius ideas. But do you ever wonder why it seems like those people are always busy? Why those people put all of their efforts into their chosen field?
I have.
Those people work. Hard.
I have been fortunate enough to be placed in an environment that encourages education and work. I have also been blessed with a natural ability to learn, and a love for it. But it makes me so mad when people tell me how easy it must be to be "smart".
"Oh, Kolbie, it's easier for you to go to class because you're smart."
"Oh, Kolbie, it's easier for you to write your essays on time because you're smart."
"Oh, Kolbie, it's easier for you to take that many credits because you're smart."
Let me just clear something up.
I'm not mad because I want my work to be recognized. I'm mad because those people use the word "smart" as an excuse to be lazy. I'm even more mad at our education system, because I firmly believe that there are many, MANY, more people in the world that have the potential for genius. They have the potential, but because of the standards placed before them, they will never know it. They are raised to believe that being simply average is something to strive for.
I'm not saying that being average is a bad thing, but too many kids are raised thinking that all they will ever be is average. They grow up with people telling them that they can't be smart, or athletic, or talented. Maybe they have negligent parents, or maybe they have negligent teachers. Either way, more and more children are dropping out of high school. More and more children are succumbing to depression. More and more children are thinking that they're not good enough to be successful, so they stop caring.
Everyone is good enough to be successful. Everyone deserves the chance to be above-average.
Intelligence has less to do with inherent abilities as it does work. If you want to be above-average, you need to work. The only way to overcome the Nelson-Mandela-named fear of being great is to be great, and to realize that being great is working hard. The best part is that once you've had a solid foundation in working hard, you can actually work hard doing at something you love.
And you want to know something funny? It actually makes you happy.
To all those people who think my life is easy because I'm smart, I'm here to tell you that my life is far from easy. Everyone is given obstacles in their life. Instead of choosing the easiest ways to go, though, I choose to work hard and be triumphant.
Don't mistake my being happy for my life being easy.
Intelligence has less to do with inherent ability as it does work. Yes, I've said it three times. But I just you want you to remember that the most, and perhaps you'll tell someone you know who really needs to hear it.
-ka
6.08.2012
93 - Choices
I'm tutoring my little brother this summer because he is taking AP Human Geography next year. I'm also helping him with reading and writing, so I'm basically being his English teacher this summer. (Which is convenient, since that's the career in which I want to be.)
He's reading the Harry Potter series this summer, and so I'm discussing it with him and helping him critically analyze the thematic elements. It's pretty interesting because I'm doing what I love to do, but I can't be the student. As the teacher, I have to be the one to guide rather than explore. It's my brother's turn to discover what he thinks about the books and the connections he makes, even if I want to tell him that what I think is right.
Anyway. We were discussing choices today. He's midway through the first book, and so we looked at all of the different choices that the characters have made and how those choices have affected their lives. More specifically, Jonathon pointed out that because Harry's choices were mostly taken away from him in the beginning of his life (pre-wizard status), he was better equipped to make the choices he needed to later in the story. Because he knew what he didn't want, he chose what he did want. The Sorting Hat told Harry that he could be a great wizard if he followed the path that Voldemort did, but Harry chose to follow a different one. If you've ever read the whole series, you know that his one decision to not be like Voldemort shaped his adult character.
One choice. One choice made all the difference in his life. His choice forged the path for good, for light, for triumph. I mean, yeah, he made other choices in the future that seemed more important. But, to me, that one conscious decision to not choose individual greatness was his ultimate decision. From then on, he followed through with that choice. He became a literary hero. (At least, for my generation.)
It made me think about the choices that defined my life. Oftentimes growing, choices were taken from me. My mom always said that going to church wasn't an option, going to mutual wasn't an option, going to family parties wasn't an option, going to piano lessons wasn't an option, doing my homework wasn't an option... and so on, and so forth. When you're young, it seems like all of these life decisions are taken from you. However, upon closer inspection, I realize that I was given something even greater in return.
Like Harry, I was better equipped to tackle the bigger problems in my life because not doing so many things "wasn't an option." I was raised with core values that make me happy. They make me honestly and truly happy. Not only have they brought me joy, but I have seen other people find it as well. I didn't have a choice about doing homework, but I did choose to make education a lifelong process. I didn't have a choice about going to church when I was younger, but I did choose to have faith in God. My family has one of the strongest bonds I have ever seen, and I can't imagine my life without those endless family get-togethers. I have creative outlets and a passionate mind - a free mind. I have a mind that chooses good, light, and triumph.
Q: How do I know?
A: I want to share what I know. I want to share my good and light and triumph.
My free mind can choose whatever it wants.
It chooses a fulness of life.
-ka
He's reading the Harry Potter series this summer, and so I'm discussing it with him and helping him critically analyze the thematic elements. It's pretty interesting because I'm doing what I love to do, but I can't be the student. As the teacher, I have to be the one to guide rather than explore. It's my brother's turn to discover what he thinks about the books and the connections he makes, even if I want to tell him that what I think is right.
Anyway. We were discussing choices today. He's midway through the first book, and so we looked at all of the different choices that the characters have made and how those choices have affected their lives. More specifically, Jonathon pointed out that because Harry's choices were mostly taken away from him in the beginning of his life (pre-wizard status), he was better equipped to make the choices he needed to later in the story. Because he knew what he didn't want, he chose what he did want. The Sorting Hat told Harry that he could be a great wizard if he followed the path that Voldemort did, but Harry chose to follow a different one. If you've ever read the whole series, you know that his one decision to not be like Voldemort shaped his adult character.
One choice. One choice made all the difference in his life. His choice forged the path for good, for light, for triumph. I mean, yeah, he made other choices in the future that seemed more important. But, to me, that one conscious decision to not choose individual greatness was his ultimate decision. From then on, he followed through with that choice. He became a literary hero. (At least, for my generation.)
It made me think about the choices that defined my life. Oftentimes growing, choices were taken from me. My mom always said that going to church wasn't an option, going to mutual wasn't an option, going to family parties wasn't an option, going to piano lessons wasn't an option, doing my homework wasn't an option... and so on, and so forth. When you're young, it seems like all of these life decisions are taken from you. However, upon closer inspection, I realize that I was given something even greater in return.
Like Harry, I was better equipped to tackle the bigger problems in my life because not doing so many things "wasn't an option." I was raised with core values that make me happy. They make me honestly and truly happy. Not only have they brought me joy, but I have seen other people find it as well. I didn't have a choice about doing homework, but I did choose to make education a lifelong process. I didn't have a choice about going to church when I was younger, but I did choose to have faith in God. My family has one of the strongest bonds I have ever seen, and I can't imagine my life without those endless family get-togethers. I have creative outlets and a passionate mind - a free mind. I have a mind that chooses good, light, and triumph.
Q: How do I know?
A: I want to share what I know. I want to share my good and light and triumph.
My free mind can choose whatever it wants.
It chooses a fulness of life.
-ka
6.06.2012
92 - My Life has a Plan
It's amazing how life experiences prepare us for other life experiences in ways we never even imagined. Somethings can happen, and it makes no sense at the time. You think how confusing life is and why, when you do everything right, things somehow go wrong. Out of the blue. No warning. Then, when something even bigger than you happens, that confusing trial is suddenly a blessing in disguise.
Preparation is key to almost everything. Sometimes, preparation means doing your homework the day you get it instead of the day it's due. Sometimes, preparation means running increasing distances over a month. Sometimes, preparation means careful introspection. And sometimes it means going through something hard. Every way, being prepared is, well, one key to a happy life.
Considering the way my life has gone, there really is no way that there isn't a plan, a design, a scheme, if you will. Every heartbreak was for a reason, and I am better for them. I am who I am moreso because of the trials and heartbreaks. I have confidence, I know who I am, and I have strong relationships. I am true to myself, and I don't let other people dictate my actions. I may listen to their advice, but, ultimately, I do what I believe to be true. These are traits I didn't always have. At least, they weren't as dominant as they are now.
I'm well aware that I'm young. I'm a wee baby adult. I still have so much life to live, and so much knowledge to learn. I'm not trying to act all mature or impress whoever's reading this. I guess I'm just trying to find the right words to explain how I'm feeling and what I've been pondering this last week.
There is a plan specifically designed for me. That's not to say that I have no choices, or that every choice will lead me to my designed destination, but there is a plan. In fact, that plan includes big things. I don't know exactly what they are yet, but I do know that the people who love me will be there with me. In my plan, there were also specific road bumps to prepare me for earthquakes.
Right now I'm going through an earthquake, and I'm so grateful for the road bumps that I was given before.
My life is a gift, my life has a plan, my life has a purpose.
Further proof that everything I really need to know I learned in Primary.
-ka
Preparation is key to almost everything. Sometimes, preparation means doing your homework the day you get it instead of the day it's due. Sometimes, preparation means running increasing distances over a month. Sometimes, preparation means careful introspection. And sometimes it means going through something hard. Every way, being prepared is, well, one key to a happy life.
Considering the way my life has gone, there really is no way that there isn't a plan, a design, a scheme, if you will. Every heartbreak was for a reason, and I am better for them. I am who I am moreso because of the trials and heartbreaks. I have confidence, I know who I am, and I have strong relationships. I am true to myself, and I don't let other people dictate my actions. I may listen to their advice, but, ultimately, I do what I believe to be true. These are traits I didn't always have. At least, they weren't as dominant as they are now.
I'm well aware that I'm young. I'm a wee baby adult. I still have so much life to live, and so much knowledge to learn. I'm not trying to act all mature or impress whoever's reading this. I guess I'm just trying to find the right words to explain how I'm feeling and what I've been pondering this last week.
There is a plan specifically designed for me. That's not to say that I have no choices, or that every choice will lead me to my designed destination, but there is a plan. In fact, that plan includes big things. I don't know exactly what they are yet, but I do know that the people who love me will be there with me. In my plan, there were also specific road bumps to prepare me for earthquakes.
Right now I'm going through an earthquake, and I'm so grateful for the road bumps that I was given before.
My life is a gift, my life has a plan, my life has a purpose.
Further proof that everything I really need to know I learned in Primary.
-ka
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