52 - The DVD

I need to move out.

Molly already is. And tonight, things have gone too far.

A few weeks ago, Molly and I took our DVDs and put them back in our room because SOMEBODY *coughWhitneycough* had been leaving them out of their cases every single time she watched them. Today, one of my DVDs was in the DVD player. And the case was still in my room, where I left it.

She went into my room, took my DVD out of the case, and put the case back so I wouldn't notice. Then left it in the DVD player.

My DVD player, by the way. And she watched it on my TV.

I also need to mention that this same DVD was missing from my library when I moved the DVDs, and it was left on the entertainment center the next day. Which means she took it into out of the common room and into her room.

All of this without asking me. Not one word.

I'm furious. But I can't talk to her right now, because I would just do my scary yelling. That makes people cry.

I NEED to move out.

Aforementioned DVD

51 - Love Revealed

In my opinion, love is a very personal and private emotion. It's not something to be taken lightly, or to be misused. 

It's difficult for me say "I love you." That doesn't mean that I don't feel love, it's just hard for me to say because I think those words hold more power than any other phrase in existence. 

My mother used to tell me that there is always room for more love in your heart, and I find that to be true. Sometimes you don't even know there is love for something until a test of that love reveals itself. I'm here to testify that you love more people than you think. 

There are always people you love the most, and you can feel that love every time you look at them. And then there are the people you know you care about, but you're not sure if that feeling is love or simply fondness. Sometimes, those feelings don't have to separate. 

Trials come, and love is revealed. Maybe not earth-shattering, I'd die for you, 'imprinting' love. But love nonetheless. You love more people than you think. And more people love you than you know. 

Love is a very personal and private emotion. So personal and private that sometimes it takes death to show itself. 

If you get anything out of this blog post, understand this one thing: love is a gift. Love is what makes us different. Love is what connects us to other people. 

You love more people than you think.

50 - That Girl

Did you know that it's a scientific fact that current high school students have shorter attention spans than high school students who graduated as early as ten years ago? 

My AP English teacher told me that last year. She was venting about how ludicrous it was that 18 year olds couldn't even focus enough to take a three hour test. And quite honestly, it is ridiculous. Any guesses as to what's causing this? No one can know for sure, but I have a pretty educated one. 

Have you honestly gone more than one day without checking something on your computer? I don't mean times when you don't have access to the Internet, I mean times where you're at home. And the Internet is up and running. If you're a person who reads my blog regularly, I would guess no. Unless you're Sara, because she has the largest workload of anyone I know right now. Since the invention of social networks, I can guarantee that Internet use has sky-rocketed -- even more so, since the invention of smart phones. Texting, video games, chatting, TV, blogging, Skype, virtual realities... this generation constantly needs to be entertained, and it's affecting their ability to put all of their focus into one outlet. 

I am certainly a guilty party. 

Not only do I check Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, Blogger, and my email about 20 times a day, but I also amaze myself at how much stock I put into the feedback I receive. Sometimes (and I'm pretty sure everyone does this) I post a status purely so people will comment. Something witty or unique. And when I don't get comments, it actually hurts my feelings. 

It took me a while to realize how ridiculous that is. It doesn't matter who how many comments, or likes, or profile views I have. It doesn't matter how many "friends" I have. Half of those "friends" were people I met four years ago and haven't said one word to since. Probably about ten of those friends are people I REALLY don't like, but I do know, so I feel obligated to accept their request. 

Facebook is a blessing. When my sister moves away, I'll get to see my nephew and know what's happening in his life. When my friends have a good day, I know about it - even though I live miles and miles away. It's a blessing. But like all blessings, it can be misused. It can hurt my spirit. It can damage the way I view the world. 

I removed the Facebook app on my phone and iPod. I'm going to practice self-control, and allow myself to look at Facebook once a day. Because, honestly? I don't need Facebook to reassure my self-worth. I know how many people love me. And they know that I love them. 

I don't want to be "that girl". The one who gets hurt because she notices who didn't write on her wall for her birthday. The one who uses Facebook as a personal diary. The one who can't sit down and take a three hour test without getting antsy. 

I don't want to be a girl who lives in every other life except her own. So, I'm attempting to change my course before my road even gets close to the road of "that girl". 

49 - English Major

Reasons why I'm an English major:

• I enjoy editing papers. 
• Using incorrect grammar is a good way to torture me. Or just drive me crazy and force me to correct you. 
• I say things like "Charles Dickens is the Chuck Norris of the English language."
• I would rather write essays and papers than any other kind of school work. 
• I have several journals full of long-winded passages that probably could be shortened to a sentence. 
• Reading Shakespeare literally takes my breath away. 
• In sixth grade, I was supposed to write a two page paper on Lois Lowry. I wrote six instead... 
• I want a bracelet with mini Harry Potter books on it. 
• My sister used to get mad at me for my vocabulary. (You know who you are. Hehe.)
• Dog-earing books is a hanging offense in my opinion. 
• In elementary school, I mainly read at recess. 
• Once, during the summer, I read over 2500 pages in a week and a half. I was also dead to the world...
• My sister tells me that I used to fall asleep reading, but my eyes were still open. 
• When I doodle, I doodle in words. Not pictures. 
• I often write in cursive with my finger on things I'm holding, or in the air. 
• I like writing in this blog. Sometimes I get away with myself and write too much, so people probably stop reading. I've tried to control that a bit...
• My ceiling and wall used to be plastered with quotes. 
• I've been building a personal library of my own since I was 7. 
• I was better friends with the librarian in elementary school than I was with my peers. 
• My idea of a fun date is walking through Barnes and Noble with hot chocolate and good conversation. 
• If I could, I would spend all my money on books. 
• I've been pretty apprehensive about the Kindle because I don't want my future to be a paperless one. 
• I hate to say it, but I'm kind of arrogant when it comes to English. I'm working on it...
• I think I know more than I actually do. I'm sure experience will humble me in that aspect. 

And the number one reason why I'm an English major: 

• I love words, and I think the English language can be more powerful than any weapon in the world. I hope I can spread that love and knowledge, and inspire people the way I've been inspired. Hence the reason I'm studying to be an English teacher. See this post and this post to read more about how much I love words. 

I don't know how to express how captivated I am by literature. But you all know how much I love theatre, and Charles Dickens connects the two nicely. 

"Poetry makes life what lights and music do the stage." 

48 - A Funny Thing

Birthdays are a funny thing, aren't they?

When I was little, it was this magical day that was all about me and only me. There was something special about my birthday, like I had a special glow around me for just that one day. I wouldn't be able to sleep because I was so excited, and my nights would be so restless because of all the wonderful dreams I had about the presents that I would get. 

I also had the best birthday parties when I was younger. In my family, generally the odd years were the ones that you had a friend party and the even years were when you just had a family party but with bigger presents. For my seventh birthday, we rented out the Little Gym for the whole day (which was probably only two hours haha but to my seven-year-old mind, it was the whole day). For my ninth birthday party, my mom went all out for a Harry Potter party, Sorting Hat and everything. Then we saw Harry Potter and Sorcerer's Stone in theaters. After 11, though, I didn't have many friends. And for future my birthdays, I hung out with the ones that mattered.  

Birthdays are a funny thing. 

Yesterday was that day again, for me. At 11:06 AM, I turned 19. 

I'm sad to say the magic of birthdays has essentially dissipated by the time you're 19. It's just another day, and then you remember "Hey! It's my birthday!" But the butterflies that used to keep me awake at night, the glow that used to radiate around only me -- they're gone. 

Don't fret, however. Because it's a trade-off. Blissful ignorance for maturity and experience. Pure selfishness for compassion and empathy. Expecting huge presents for expecting the ones you love to be there. 

Yes, birthdays are a funny thing. Because as I've grown older, I've just begun to understand that birthdays aren't about the presents or the money. It's about the feeling you get. That feeling that occurs when you realize how many people love you, and are glad that you were born. That feeling in your heart that makes you know you've made a difference, if only in your own small world. That feeling that makes you feel special. 

Your birthday wouldn't be a day of celebration if you weren't someone worth celebrating. 

Just remember that on your next birthday. 

:)

47 - Wall of Books

As all of you should know, books are pretty much my favorite thing.
If I could spend all of my money on books, I probably would. And not even feel bad. Haha.

A lot of different blogs are read discuss decor, and many of them use books in their decorating. I thought about what I would like to have in my dream home, and books are definitely in the picture. A huge library would be the ultimate dream. But! I did a search on Flickr and found so many cool pictures with books and bookshelves as a creative decoration.

Someday, when I have lots of money and can do whatever I want with it, this is what I'll do!

46 - Leftovers

Isn't it funny how America is characterized? We have always been "the melting pot". Just a bunch of other cultures mixed together to create one obese superpower. There are, however, a few things that America in itself does hold a claim to:

Hollywood...Apple... Rock and Roll...
(Although, arguably, some of the greatest classic rock bands did originate in Great Britain.)

and also,

Hamburgers.

 If you want to have an authentic American meal, a hamburger would be the closest you can get. (Also a hotdog, but I don't like them much so they don't matter. Unless it's a chili dog.)

Today, I had that authentic American meal, complete with french fries on the side. I could only eat half of my burger, and that was very sad for me. However, being the thinker that he is, Cole put my hamburger in a to-go box and I brought it back to Logan with me. I know what you're thinking. Heated up, leftover hamburgers are gross. But. Have you ever actually tried it, or did you just shudder at the thought and never gave it a go?

I was very hungry when we got back to Logan. Neither of us really have money to spend on fast food. So, I reheated the hamburger.

It was the best darn reheated hamburger I have ever had. Even the lettuce went in the microwave, which just gave it kind of a lettuce wrap feel to the eating experience. There was still some crunch, but it was warm.

I know that some of you may be gagging right now, even judging me. Maybe it was the hunger that made it so good. Maybe I was just imagining eating the real one. (Not that the reheated one isn't real...) Maybe being a college student has changed my opinion of acceptable food to eat. I don't know.

All I know is, that hamburger was great.
And it was reheated in the microwave for 45 seconds.

Typing of hamburgers, looks at this:

Oh, America. How I love you.